WELSH VALLEYS HUMOUR by David Jandrell

Reg the farmer had been advied to take a holiday by his doctor. Reg agreed that he could do with a break, but was loath to leave the farm as the only person that would be in charge when he was away was Tom, a farm labourer. Whilst Tom was a first class worker, he was a heavy drinker, and when he'd 'had a few' he was totally useless.

Reg's wife spoke to Tom and made him promise that if they went away and left himin charge that he wouldn't touch a drop until they came back. Tom promised that he'd spend two weeks off the booze and make a good job of looking after the farm.

When they got back, Tom picked Reg and his wife up from the airport. As they were driving back to the farm, the conversation went like this:

'So Tom, how have things been since we've been away?'

'Had a few problems, Reg.'

'What sort of problems?'

'You know Shep the sheepdog?'

'Yes, of course I do.'

'Well, he's dead.'

'Dead! What happened?'

'He ate horse meat that had gone off.'

'What horse meat?'

'Oh, the horse is dead as well.'

'How come?'

'He died in the fire'

'What fire?'

'Oh, the barn burned down.'

'How did that happen?'

'It was a spark off the farmhouse.'

'What?'

'Oh the farmhouse burned down as well.'

'How did that happen?'

'Struck by lightning.'

'Hang on a minute, have you got any good news for me?'

'Yes.'

'What's that then?'

'I haven't had a pint for a fortnight.'